29 March 2015

hold on to something

At this moment,
I feel like losing myself.
Need to hold on to something,
But that something is missing.


28 March 2015

Hard and even harder!!

sometimes we barely breathing,
Nothing comes easy in life.
EVERYTHING need a hardwork.

Work Hard!
Pray Harder!

Thy Mercy encompasses us O Lord,
As life in the domain of death,
As knowledge in the sea of ignorance,
As the inebriating beauty of Thy Face
Reflecting through earthly forms
In a world which without them
Would suffocate of its own ugliness.
How to thank Thee, O Lord,
When the very breath that thanks Thee
Is vivified by Thy ever-present Mercy.
For is not the very substance of existence
The Breath of Thy Compassion manifested?
And is not the love which quickens life
A reflection of Thy Love for Thine own theophany?







26 March 2015

My week.

After the school break everybody know how hectic the teachers life could be.
Otak almost tak berfungsi.
First day; Sleep Deprivation
Second day; Migraine
.
.
.
.
.
Fifth day: hmmmmm.

one whole weeks I only manage to read 2 pages from my book.

To loosen my stress , I ask my lil brother to take me out.
Of course his choice was 
The new Coffee shop in Town


QOWA

I think the name is quite unique.
I remember that my late grandma used to call Coffee: kawe.
it sound very different from kelantanese kawe for friends
for kawe in kelantanese it sound like E in ekor
but for kawe it sound like E in Emak
In Terengganu it is another name for classic coffee powder.

I tried Caramel Machiato. 
Really not bad.
not too sweet and not too dark.
My brothers choose Pure Caramel and Caramel Hazelnut Frappe

See, our taste really just the same.
everyone choose Caramel element.
our favourite.
But only me go for the real coffee taste.
Theirs are really sweet.

self service

the Cheese cake really sweet.

Pure Caramel

my Caramel Machiato

Hoping for a better week and happy weekend. 


22 March 2015

Please pick me up eventhough I'm in a million pieces.

                                                                                                                       broken me
                                                                                                                           xoxo

19 March 2015

Reminder!!

Sesibuk mana,
I need my source of  inspiration.
To celebrate the life I live
my love and faith.

sometimes, time busy tu la sibuk baca buku,
sungguh!
because that when we appreciate our time and moment

latest every where book.
tunggu  traffic: 4 lines
tunggu order: 2 pages
watching tv: depands
bedtime: bahaya, sebab kalau buku best, memang kurang tidur la.
reading time: set the everyday. A must.

18 March 2015

Untuk kalian!!


Dalam kesibukan,
penat berperasaan,
rasa tak tertanggung
buat rasa mahu menyalahkan
rasa itu dan rasa ini.

17 March 2015

me!!! not so cooking!

potato couch?

almost.

nasib baik tak mati kebuluran adik aku ni.
mak abah tak ada kat umah.
kami tinggal berdua je.

Losing

At one point in our life
we are losing something
we're going to miss it.
we're going to be sad
devastated

16 March 2015

Book review: Dr. Bird's Advice for Sad Poets

synopsis

“I hate myself but I love Walt Whitman, the kook. Always positive. I need to be more positive, so I wake myself up every morning with a song of myself.”

15 March 2015

Choose or Ignore!!

Choosing
decision making
some people really hate people who did this.
me too
But i still need to make that decision
I'm rather having a monologue rather than talking to people to reason my behaviour.
that was my choice
now, as a teacher, most of my students, they are really creative in making reasons if they are making a mistakes.
that is their choice

Sup Tulang

Happy Sunday!!

Pagi tadi kelas tambahan and another round of latihan Qasidah.
Now kene detention dekat kedai Kak Seha n Kak Nina
Kene buat translation lagi..
ayoo!!
Tapi takpe lah, itu yang mampu dibantu.
lain-lain tak sempat dah.
InsyaAllah
:)

14 March 2015

Bubur Suka Hati

Selamat petang,

pagi tadi sekolah latihan budak-budak qasidah.

don't say anything, just shut up.
yes me! the English teacher who need to train the Qasidah team,
the result., just wait and see.

okay, another story.

Petang ni ada sahabat lama abah and mama nak datang,
plan asal nak masak sup tulang pedas dan masak lomak cili padi daging salai.
tak jadi sebab tadi dah banyak kenduri.
so mama request yang ringkas dan ringan je.

so teringat la, biji gandum, dan tepung cha cha yang dah beli 2 minggu lepas, tapi tak sempat masak lagi. tertunai la niat mama n kakak hari ni.nak makan bubur manis.

semua nak makan,
bubur jagung,
bubur biji gandum
bubur cha cha.

so we combine three into one.
 jadilah bubur campur suka hati.


recipe:

300 g biji gandum
150 g tepung cha cha
250 g jagung.
400ml santan
2 1/2 cawan brown sugar
1/2 cawan gula putih
secubit garam
daun pandan 2 helai


kaedah
1. rebus biji gandum dengan 600ml air dengan sehelai daun pandan
2. lepas dah agak kembang boleh masukkan tepung cha cha dan jagung
3. rebus sampai semua betul-betul lembut. dan masukkan gula.
4.semasa rebus tu kalau air kurang boleh tambah. for me memang suka bubur yang banyak kuah sikit.
5. boleh masukkan santan dan secubit garam dan sehelai lagi daun pandan.
6. masak sampai balance semua. rasa dan kalau nak lebih manis, boleh tambah gula.
7. siap dan boleh hidang. sejuk ke panas sama sedap je.

p/s: tepung cha cha dan jagung tu semua yang instant je. jagung yang frozen, cha cha pon beli yang timbang dekat mydin je. kenapa pakai brown sugar sebab abah suka makan manis tapi kene control dia punya paras gula, so bila guna brown sugar, abah boleh la makan banyak sikit.

kalau tengak recipe biasa orang campur 2 bahan je. ni sebab teringin nak makan semua, so campak je semua.

simple and puas hati dapat makan bila masak sendiri kan.

selamat mencuba.


INTP (Engineer)

Another personality test.

the result is: INTP

Not that I trust everything, just one way to get to know myself.
Find a way to improve myself.
INTP is one of the 16 personality types defined in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)


this is the story.

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to

It's true, I was made for you
I climbed across the mountaintops
swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules

But baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do, I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess

No they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through
Like you do, and I was made for you

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am

Oh but these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you

Oh yeah, well it's true that I was made for you

The Story: Brandi Charlie


For those you already found that somebody who you think are mean to be the so called soul mate,
congratulation!
 This is one of the busiest season where Wedding Invitation come from everywhere.
it seem almost impossible to fulfil these invitation,
I can only wish them Congratulation and really happy for them
To Umai in Sabah, Kak Ain in Kelantan and few other friends who getting married in this season
May Allah bless your marriage and all the best for your future life as a wife.

petang tadi ada cerita kelakar,
Ada orang mintak gambar.
Okay awkward,
Awkward
Sampai hilang senyum
tak reti nak senyum dibuatnya,

Apa-apa pon malas nak menyemakkan kepala
I'm an independent, happy single lady.
so what.
What matter is me.
InsyaAllah I know
Allah already plan what the best for me.
:)
:p

p/s: ain't the lyric beautiful and meaningful,


13 March 2015

Pick your book!


Happy Friday!!

what book do you pick for the weekend?

this is my pick.
When I bought it I thought it is a book on poem interpretation.
But no, it is a fiction.
I always said that it is such a waste if you don't read.

Reading not suppose to be a hobby but a habits
something that we need to force to do.
End up loving this.

For me I still remember when I was a little girl,
my Mama and Abah bought me a few set of little reader.
fairy tails, prophet story, and even ancient Asian story.
I still remember that red cover book with really yellowish paper.
of course it is an English book!
Not saying that I understand everything that I read.
But believe me that where it's start.

Some said that teacher should instill this habits to their students.
But I think it is more effective if parents start it from home.

Don't wait till tomorrow.
Pick a book now
and start reading.

Have this pleasure of reading.

I don't think anything's more rewarding than hearing that you've helped someone gain a love of reading.
Happy bookend people!!


Happy Holidays

And the school holidays begin,

I'm already start to feel exhausted because I know what waiting for me ahead.

Need to go to school almost everyday.

why can't they simple give me a sweet vacation where I can spend my time on whatever I wish for.

12 March 2015

Another baby in the family

On the last 14th of February
 We received a very good new.
A new baby was coming.

Now here she is.

So her aunty ni, yang konon-konon busy ni baru sempat pergi tengok..
baby dah umur 24 hari dah
dari 3.3kg, dah 4 kilo lebih dah
cuma rambut aje atuk nya belum sempat pergi cukur.

okay, aunty tumpang selfie, cikti ni tumpang comel baby je.

konon la kan.. hehehehe

Another Girl in the family.
We are happy to welcome
Wan Syahirah Amani to the family.
Adik Humaira dah jadi Kakak

May you InsyaAllah be a dutiful servant of Allah
and
A very good daughter toward you parents and family
InsyaAllah


11 March 2015

Escapism!!

Book and Movie

I really need a good book and movie right now, 
My mind needs an adventure and my body need a good rest.

Being a full time worker really didn't help me to live my dream life.
I'm the kind of person who need to be free
knot no tie
vacation any time and anywhere I want.
Do what ever I want without a limitation.
I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST 


All I need is freedom.

Shame on me.
In school, I'm one of the disciplinary teacher.
I ask the students to follow rules.

However I tell them that you still can break the rules.
All you need to dois be smart.
And Study hard.
Of course the most important thing is Do Not Be Rude!!
Rude is offensive.
Most teacher don't care whether the students are clever or not.
All we care are about the respect and hardwork that the students show.

Coffee give you a wonderful escapism

Someone asks me whether I want to stay in this career or not.
I'm not sure sure about that yet.
I need to work hard first,
Then I lets my destiny choose for me.

So for now, I need to manage my time properly
and date with a good book and movie..
The moment of escapism is really important in my life
coz I need to wrap myself 
telling myself that I'm okay.

Even though my book shelf is kind of full, But it never feel like enough.




7 March 2015

Selamat Tinggal.

perjalanan itu akan berakhir.

di mana,
bila
dan
bagaimana

soalan itu tidak berjawapan.

hanya ada pada diri adalah untuk bersedia.

saat menghadapi kehilangan itu.
dunia seolah terhenti.

TITIK.

The reality hits me really slow, I only feel it after I heard my dad cracking voice while being the Imam for my Atuk Solat Sunat Jenazah. This actually the second time I heard this sad voice of my abah. First when my late tok wan passed away.

we arrived at 6.30 he sit by the bed and start reciting the quranic verse. at the last verse his voice start cracking.

This time around I'm the one who was driving because my Abah was already in kampung.  So I am taking my mama n adik-adik to pay our last respect for my Atuk.

driving for 5 hours, non-stop.
my head totally blank.
I don't cry
not until i heard my Abah voice.
I don't know how much my mum longing to be with my dad at that time.
We don't really talk about how we feel each other because it was awkward.

One thing I realize about my family, We don't really talk about feeling.
We kind of just understand each other by looking in each other eyes.
But usually we tend to ignore.



6 March 2015

bad day as a new teacher!!

Orang kata marah itu tanda sayang.

yesterday was really bad..
I got really angry at my few of my students.
They tried to skip from my class.
I managed to caught 4 of them.
I really put a good word to them.

however what annoyed me was, all four of them come from a below average income.
their family income was just rm400
their parents give them at least rm 3 each and one of them have 5 siblings.
so can you see why I'm not angry?
they come to school, but don't even put a tiny bits of efforts to study.
nor thinking on how to thanks their parents.
I almost cry when I scold them.
I don't who is your family
all I care is your attitude.

Don't they have a heart to change their family.
be a better person.

sedihnya jadi mak ayah budak-budak ni.
pagi petang mintak duit dengan mak ayah.
mak ayah datang hantar datang sekolah.
tapi belajar tak mahu.
They just come to school to play around wasting time.
Niat datang sekolah nak dapat duit belanja.
kalau tak datang tak dapat la duit.

Bengang betul kepala cikgu ni.
after I grounded them, I ask them to make a promise to not repeated their mistake again. or else
I'm going to call their parents and have a good word with their parents too.

It is really hard for me, I don't know what to do.
I feel really bad, I mean really really bad.
I'm know not good enough to be a good teacher.
But I still I'm hoping that I can educate them to be a better person. really hoping for that.

For those who say that being a teacher is easy.
You don't know what you are talking about.

5 March 2015

Tq Stranger!!

Do I have to answer to every question ask by the stranger.
especially regarding my marital status.
I'm telling you that I'm happy now.
I don't want to bother my mind with unnecessary things.

Last night when I'm surfing on the net.. I found this beautiful song by Kunto Aji: Terlalu lama sendiri.

The lyric really make me smile. Just love it. I hope you can go and try to find  it and listen to the song.

the song goes like this:

Sudah terlalu lama sendiri
Sudah terlalu lama aku asyik sendiri
Lama tak ada yang menemani rasanya.

pagi ke malam hari tak pernah terlintas di hati
Bahkan di saat sendiri aku tak pernah merasa sepi
Sampai akhirnya aku sedari
aku tak bisa terus begini
aku harus berusaha 
tapi mulai dari mana.

Yup, the lyric goes really well with my situation.
Some of my friends said the reasons why I'm feeling this way is because I the kind of too independent person.
I can do anything by myself.
I really don't mind going somewhere by myself.
even though I have to bear to weird looking eyes.
looking at me, sitting alone while having my coffee or dinner..
hehehe
but still I'm just happy.

So to the strangers that keep on asking me those unnecessary questions.
You don't have to care bother about me.
I can take care of myself.
I know you just concern about me, 
I really appreciate it.
Thank You stranger

4 March 2015

The Adviser???

Alhamdulillah, dapat cuti sehari hari ni.

Dapat la rest badan sikit. Sejak kerja, tak dapat di nafikan dah rasa macam orang tua orang dewasa. cepat aje penat. Balik je sekolah terus hilang segala daya badan ni. Tak mampu buat apa-apa. :) 
so lame.

today, since the morning, my phone keep on beeping almost non-stop.

like everyone know that I'm having a holiday.

since early in the morning I received a few text asking for some kind of advice from me.  

first, from my students ask my opinion about what should they do after the SPM

Next, a few of my junior asking my opinion about teaching and IV..

I'm so not the kind of person who are good at giving advice.

usually I just go with my gut..
even though I know that don't really have much of it.

I try to give my best advice as possible.still, they need to make their own decision.
No one really know what you want,
sometimes, we think that we are telling people everything,
yet there always something that we keep to our self.
that something is the keyword to the decision that we are about to make.

sometimes we just think that we just grow older,
we forgot we also need to grow wiser.

All the best to each of you, We never know what Allah has plan for our future but still we need to work really hard to achieve what the best for us.

sometimes, the choice that we have are very limited, however that limitation going to open to a better journey for us. InsyaAllah.

don't give up
work hard
and
keep praying.

nothing is easy in our life
but the hardship help us
grow stronger.

3 March 2015

This is just the Beginning

Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah

Today is a happy day for me. Thank You Allah for choosing this path for me.

 3rd place in Scrabble competition
93.3% passing rate for my last year subject in 2014 SPM.
short date with one of my best friend


To my dearest students

Some of them are crying, some of them quite happy with what they get.
I can understand that some of them are quite disappointed with their results

however

This is just the beginning of their journey.

I have gone through that path.

I'm not saying that it was easy,

but we need to keep on trying and standing no matter what we face.

I know that sometimes we have regret about our past

just took it to be a positive thing.
and here I'm today

yet I'm still in the learning process to be a better me.

As they are happy, I'm already satisfied.

i know that I still need to learn on how to be a better teacher.

The thing that keep on praying for my students are for them to achieve something so much better than me.

I really started to fall in love with this profession.

May Allah guide me to go on this journey

2 March 2015

Amanah pada penuntut! Cerita aku dan kamu

Cara mata itu memandang, seolah ada sesuatu yang ingin disampaikan. Redup dan terus menunduk.
“Kenapa perlu tundukkan kepala, pandang aku dan sampaikan apa hasrat-mu”
“sebenarnya aku tak ada duit untuk membayar buku ini.”
“Habis tu, kenapa perlu malu? Yang perlu malu bukan kamu, tapi mereka yang punya segalanya tapi memandang buku seolah tiada nilai. Sanggup beribu dihabiskan demi mengejar gaya dan trend. Sedang yang menjadi harta dunia dan akhirat itu ilmu dan amal. Dari ilmu dan amal itu lahirnya budi.”
“aku sayang pada ilmu dan buku, namun aku rasa dunia tidak adil, mereka yang malas itu punya segalanya, sedang aku x punya apa-apa. Pada apa harusku pautkan harapan kecil itu terus bercinta pada jalan ilmu ini.”
“Kau punya Tuhan sayang, dan Tuhan hantar aku pada kamu. Walau punya aku itu tidak banyak, InsyaALLAH akan ku kongsi walau sedikit.”
“aku malu pada kamu! Kau sering beri apa sahaja untuk aku, mahu kecil atau besar. Sedang aku, hanya terus menagih dan menumpang”
“Apa maksud kamu? Adakah aku bukan sahabatmu? Apa kamu bukan saudara se-islam ku? Kenapa perlu kau ungkit yang kecil itu, sedangkan kita sama tahu yang sahabat itu anugerah dari Tuhan buat kita. Walau kau tak balas dengan harta untuk yang aku kongsikan, kau tahu yang aku cuma mengharapkan doa mu.”
Tanpa tertahan air mataku jatuh. Sedikit terkilan seolah terlalu murah harga persahabatanku.
“kau untuk aku”
Terdengar suaranya pecah mengungkapkan baris kata itu, aku memandang dan menyambung kata itu,
“aku untuk kau”
Aku Tarik dia dalam pelukanku.
Semoga sahabatku ini terus tabah untuk bercinta pada jalan ilmu ini, semoga kami terus sama-sama dalam perjalanan yang penuh dengan ujian ini. Rezeki kami berbeza, mungkin aku pada kemampuan kewangan dan dia pada kecergasan dalam menuntut ilmu.
Namun yang paling penting terletak pada kesungguhan dan kegigihan.

Aku sayang kamu kerana Allah.