27 April 2015

Friendship and Coffee

When people ask you what is the meaning of a bestfriend?
For real, I can't really define it.
What is the best word you can use to define the best people in your life without under value them.
What should I say?
bestfriend is someone who always with you?
bestfriend is someone who always text you?
bestfriend is someone your treat you the best?

so, what if you bestfriend is incapable of doing that?
Are they going to stop being your bestfriend?
Once you define that person as your friend, they are also be your bestfriend
no matter what happen,
if it turn bad, you don't have to hate them, just take it as part of life that taught you about life and growing up.

26 April 2015

Picnic: Lata Belukar Bukit

Cuti-cuti ni, kalau duduk umah kerja tidur je jadinya..
makanya, kita keluar la jalan-jalan.
Friendship Bonding time, dapat kenal jugak kawan baru.

Tempat dituju tidak diketahui, redah aje. asal nak pergi sekayu, tapi rase too common and for sure orang ramai cuti-cuti ni.

Redah punya redah, maka sampailah kami di Lata Belukar Bukit. Atas sikit la pada Sekayu.
kakak orang Terengganu pun first time sampai.



Dah lama sangat tak picnic. Back to nature. Dulu zaman belajar at least 3 bulan sekali wajib merayau mencari hijau. Segarkan balik diri dari kekalutan manusia. 

breath-taking scenery

air clear betul. 

grown up act like a child.
sekali jumpa air, mau 2-3 jam berendam.
tak malu sangat sebab tak ramai orang.


tq korang, lepak, picnic, borak, makan dan menyengalkan diri sama-sama.
tempat cantik, air bersih, tapi sayang.. facilities tak terjaga langsung, tak ada satu pon toilet boleh pakai. even nak tukar pakaian pun sengsara. 

Sedih bila kerajaan dah membuang duit bangunkan facilities tempat tarikan pelancongan ni, tapi tiada pun usaha untuk menjaga. Kami tahu duit rakyat juga yang digunakan untuk bangunkan semua ini. mereka sibuk nak bina dan bangunkan benda-benda baru. tak salah, tapi kenapa tak jaga benda-benda dah sedia ada ni.

kalau rasa tak nak, bagi kami lah usahakan. Ahaks.. 
InsyaAllah maju.

Chicken patty y Chicken Ball

Happy Sunday people.

It's been a while since I had a Sunday off. 
So I already plan abundance of activities for today.

So before going out, need to prepare some breakfast for my family and also to take out for our picnic.
I ask her, if there anything she wants to eat, she said meatball special.
So I went out to buy some mince meat, but none of it left, Only chicken are available.
So change of plan. 

Chicken patty and Chicken ball in da house.

the same recipe with different shape..

What you need to prepare?
this is the big size recipe since I cooked for my family and friend. 

-1600g mince chicken (for 30-40 pieces)
-7 slice of white bread (blend into a bread crumb)/-mama said that I can used oat to replace bread crumb. Next time I will try it.
-100g leek
- half cup of small dice onion
-6 cloves of minced garlic
-half cup of milk
-1 tablespoon of Cajun seasoning(or more, up to taste)
-2 tablespoon of thyme
-salt and pepper to taste
-2 eggs.

-soak the bread crumb with milk.
-put everything in one big bowl except the egg.
- mix everything well, then put the egg.
-let it rest for a while. the start to shape according to your taste. Either the patty or the ball.
- bake it in the oven for 15-20 minute with 180 degree. ( I simply use my microwave using micro convection function)
-up to this step, actually you already finish with your homemade frozen food, you can freeze it and simply grill it when you want to eat.

half cooked chicken ball. jumbo size.
freeze this, done a homemade frozen food. if you are a parents, you can control the salt and MSG in it.

- grill and serve with salad and mash potatoes or turn it into a big size burger. 

my patty with mash potatoes

my mama said, if you're going to sell this burger make sure that you prepare it a bit smaller.
hehehe. memang besar betul, lupe pulak yang bukan semua orang size perut macam den.

meatball version. 

Actually cooking is not that hard, but malas selalu jadi penghalang. Creativity can change nothing to miracle. 

24 April 2015

how things are suppose to be!!

To be able to live today and called myself a grown up. 
takes a lot of my courage.
sometimes in life, I can feel sad for nothing,
a mixture of feeling that no one can define.
Yeah sometimes we can share what it feel like, 
but there are no best word to explain that mixture of feeling.
it takes a lot of sense for me to be able to share my thought and feeling,
and if I share it but I received no response 
I don't intent to blame anyone.
I know that I'm never good with word
so I know sometimes, the best answer is no answer.
I used to say:
If I don't have anything good to say, I rather keep myself quite.
So, I kind of expect the same things about other people.

It is not fair if we are hoping for people to give more than what we are able to give them.
we need to learn how to control the hope we want to set for others.
the higher we put the hope means more pain we're going to get when it fall.
be moderate. 

I need to learn how to arrange my own thought.
sometimes, thing just pop up out of no where.
If you read my blog, you should realized it.
when I write, I usually tend to sway from the direction I intended. :)

Human is the best creature,
we seem to be fragile
but we also have the ability to heal.
if we break our bones, it's going to grow stronger than the other.
so does our heart.

I am human, I am strong and keep growing stronger and stronger.
Allah tests me because I need to grow up and be stronger.

there are things that are meant to be broken in order for it to grow better.
this cute coffee are meant to be drink.
not related again.. hehehe.

23 April 2015

Thank You

A reminder that I'm alive.
the question left, have I been living my life to the fullest.
what have I achieve in my life?
how much have I been giving to others?
how much knowledge I have gain and teach?
how much love have I spread?
compare to what I received, it's nothing.
 A birthday is not a celebration but the day to make a self evaluation.

Yet, today I received so much loves and prayers from people around me.
All I can say is thank you and only Allah can pay back what I received today and the rest of my life.
I'm so fortunate to have two birthday celebration in one day, three birthday cake and abundance of loves and prayers. Subhanallah, sometimes I forgot how lucky I'm to live in this world with so many people who love me. Usually in life, we are too focus with things that are so negative and stressful. 
we forget that we are suppose to be happy and grateful with what ever come and go in our  life.
Start of another day with better hope and intention.
we can be better if we want to, all we have to do is to work on it. InsyaAllah.

I have to admit that being a teacher is one of the decision that I'm still wonder whether it's right or a wrong decision. It's hard and sometimes very unbearable. But this kids sure make it feel like it worth it. Alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah I'm going to work even harder to be a better teacher.

My first birthday cake. the kids bought it with their own money. 

my second cake, special from my roommate in Bilik Pengawas.  Tq girl.

they are the mastermind of this party. Alhamdulillah we were able to finish the cake.

my kids. team Pengawas SMKBT

when I'm growing up. I know that I'm not a good daughter. 
I'm never good with word.
I don't now how to express myself.
I don't always say it.
The stronger the feeling gets to me,
the harder it gets me to say it.
Alhamdulillah today the least I can do is to treat them.
tq mama and abah for always being there for me.
tq because you never give up on me no matter how hard I have been on both of you.
and till today I know how unpredictable I can be.
Even myself, I still in the process of to get to know me.
So InsyaAllah, I'm going to start working on to be a better me. 

if I look at myself, I know that I don't deserve this. But Allah still gives this bless to me. 

all I can say today is, Alhamdulillah.
Tq Allah
Tq mama n abah
tq friends
tq kids.
I'm sorry if I'm not worth your love and compassion.

22 April 2015

Live Life

Life is crazy, 

and unpredictable.
It's going to push you over,
kick you while you're down
and hit you when you try to get back up.
But not everything can beat you.
Things are going to change you, 
But you get to choose which ones you let change you.
Listen to your heart,
Follow your dreams,
And let no one tell you what you're capable of.
Push the limits,
Bend the rules,
And enjoy every minute of it.
Laugh at everything,
Live for as long as you can.
Love all,
But trust only Allah.
Believe in yourself,
And never lose faith in others
Settle for nothing but only the best,
And give 110% in everything you do.
Take risks,
Live on the edge,
Yet stay safe,
And cherish every moment of it.
Life is a  god gift,
Appreciate all the rewards,
And jump on every opportunity.
Not everyone's going to love you
But who needs them anyways.
Challenge everything,
And fight for what you believe.
Back down to nothing,
But give in to the little things in life,
After all, that is what makes you.
Forget the unnecessary, 
But remember everything,
Bring it with you everywhere you go.
Learn something new,
And appreciate criticism.
Hate nothing,
But dislike what you want.
Never forget where you came from,
And always remember where you are going.
Live Life to its fullest,
And have a reason for everything,
Even if it's totally insane.
Find Your purpose in life,
and Live it!

p/s: the most important question that I ask myself today, what it's going to feel like living my life up to this age, and looking back like I haven't change and achieved nothing. I ask this question to one of my sister and I ask her what it feel like? she freeze and have nothing to say. if people ask me the same question, that's going to be my reaction too.. 

20 April 2015

Cooking is my healing process.

What a day!
Sorry I'm not here to complaint about my life,
Yes it hard. But Complaining doesn't help.
Accept and move on.

One way to relinquish this stress is cooking. My favourite thing to do. Especially when someone request for it and the pleasure is mine.

They ask me to prepare something for the iftar. So this is the simplest menu that I know and only took 1 hour to prepare.

Alhamdulillah, cooking is part of my healing process. 
The pleasure that we get when people eat them just priceless.

18 April 2015

Book Review: Revenge

Just finish off my second book of the month.

Revenge by Yoko Ogawa

I always reluctant to read a translated book. I think I might not get the message that the original writer try to convey in the original language,
like for this one, from Japanese to English.

Usually translated book loss it beauty on it way to another language.

but this one survive the job. 
I can still feel the beauty of this book.
I always wonder how people can write a beautiful story. what they have in their mind, what kind of life they venture. what kind of experience they taste in their journey to be able to produce this kind of beautiful story.

I'm no writer, I'm just a reader. Who enjoys all kind of story.
 Serial Killer
   Dark Tales.

This one really different from what I have before. Dark Tales of Human life,
Coincidence of knowing one another,
relationship from the darkest point in one life.
Word that coldly laid the story.

Murderers and mourners, mother and children, lovers and innocent bystanders. 
Their fates converge in an ominous and darkly beautiful web.
eeries cycle of interwoven from this writer.

Lot of things to be learn in this book. Unconditional love, selfish, ugly coincidence, acceptance and losing self control lead to the dark side.

little bit of everything shake this book quite well. 

You should try.
 4 stars.

14 April 2015

saya bodoh je!!

Dalam dunia pendidikan yang penuh cabaran,
Ada yang cakap untung la dapat mengajar sekolah pandai,
kesiannya kene ajar budak high risk.

Pada aku dua-dua pun ada cabaran tersendiri.

13 April 2015

Le Soleil

Le soleil
it not a Sun, but The Sun
Only one in the universe

symbol of hope.
the sign of another day is coming
sign to hope for a better day

12 April 2015

Talking- Non Talking


some people really into this habit of talking.
But some are not really into it.

we can find pleasure in talking and also a lot of regret in talking.
sometimes when we talk, 
we do not utter the word we plan and sometimes something we utter sound differently from what we plan it to be.

Word can break someone heart, 
Word can spoil the mood
word can be misunderstand
word can be misguided

The a lot of thinking we should do before we utter anything. 
As a teacher, talking is a must.
to teach, to guide and to deliver.
choice of word, tone of the voice, content of the word.
everything must be perfectly utter.

BUT, lately I realise that I sounded really harsh and rude.
Even feeling like a vigilant among those kids.
Like I'm the bad guy, there are the one who fighting for their freedom.

Freedom of what?
Freedom of not doing homework,
Freedom to break the rules,
Freedom to do anything they wish for.

So am I the bad guy who fighting against these kids freedom?

9 April 2015

growing up and old.

At this moment of my life, I'm really in horror.
The horror of thinking about my future.

Thinking about my lifetime dream.
Thinking about the mental block that I'm having now

When people life was driven by money, it always take a pause to make a decision.
knowing that I can no longer be that reckless girl who used to follow my heart and my head.
without fully utilize any of it.

7 April 2015

Book Review: Trauma

Finally after 3 weeks of reading, I'm able to finish my journey. Quite a blur journey. Cooping with school, my wave of unstable emotion, life and growing older.

The story of the Psychologist who focus on PostTraumatic Disorder as his main stream of work. I learn what is trauma and how this so called trauma able be create in one mind whether they realize or not. Having his brother in-law who is also his patient, killed himself by shotting his own head after the session with Charlie. He blame himself and broke his marriage.It took a while to realise that he is also in the same condition only then he didn't realise until all the symtoms  start to show up and he lost control of himself.

2 April 2015

Kue Teow Kungfu

Hari ni malas pikir banyak, so decide nak balik rumah awal. (awal pon pukul 3 dah)
sambil drive sambil pikir, macam nak masak je..
nak masak apa?
otak tak sempat buat keputusan lagi, 
kereta ni dah laju melencong pergi pasar.

1 April 2015

fears of life

Every morning when I wake up, I always allow myself to think for a while. 
casual things to think: nak sambung tidur ke tak? baju dah gosok belum? pagi ni ada apa?
Then I,
Decide how I can run my day.
Thinking about all those burden waiting for me that day.
Decide how should I tackle the trouble.

The best way is to ignore unnecessary matters.

Preparing myself for the morning prayer.
That is one of the moments in our life where we pause everything
and focus on something really important.
the moments where is important except me and Allah.
it is the greatest source of energy.

some day went really well, some day went really bad.
no matter how bad it is,
I need to remember to take a moment for myself.

We can strive to fill our hearts with love and our minds with optimism as we drain our Fountain of Tears and stomp our Mountain of Fears.

Happy April.

Lot of things to celebrate and mourn
everyone trying really hard to be better.
including me.

wishing you a very happy and meaningful April.